DATING FOR MEN: CONFIDENCE, CLARITY, AND ZERO BS

DATING: A REAL-WORLD GUIDE FOR MEN WHO WANT MORE THAN A SWIPE

"What if dating wasn't so much about impressing her...but showing up as you?"

Dating today isn't about finding someone to spend time with. It's about identity. It's about validation. For many men, it's even about redemption - proving to themselves they're still desirable, that they matter, that they can still connect.

But here's the truth:

Modern dating is brutal if you don't know who you are.

It's no longer enough to look good on paper. Women are sharper than ever. They can sense desperation. They're tired of emotional unavailability.

And men?

Many are burnt out, confused, or clinging to advice from YouTubers who haven't healed from their own trauma.

So let's set the record straight.

let's talk about the real stuff

💭 "AM I EVEN READY TO DATE?"

Are you still healing from a past relationship?
Are you using dating to escape loneliness or boredom?
Are you looking for connection - or just distraction?

Before swiping right, ask yourself: Would you date you right now?

If the answer's no, it's time to work on yourself before pulling someone else into your storm.

🔒 FEAR OF REJECTION VS. FEAR OF VULNERABILITY

Most men aren't actually afraid of rejection - they're afraid of being seen.
Of showing up, flaws and all, and having someone walk away.

Truth bomb? You will be rejected.
By people who aren't your people. And that's a good thing. It clears the path for who is.

But you also have to be brave enough to say, "Here's who I am. Here's what I want."
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what no one tells you about dating as a man

✅ women AREN'T LOOKING FOR PERFECTION. THEY'RE LOOKING FOR PRESENCE.

Being grounded. Paying attention. Not being on your phone.
Making eye contact. Listening to what's not being said.
That's magnetic.

✅ CONFIDENCE ISN'T LOUD. IT'S QUIET CONSISTENCY.

It's texting back when you say you will.
It's not bragging about your achievements - but living in alignment with your values.

✅ DATING IS EMOTIONAL RISK-TAKING

And most men have never been taught how to handle that. We've been raised to achieve, impress, or perform - but not to connect.

That changes here.

DATING AFTER DIVORCE, BREAKUPS OR LONG GAPS

Many men re-enter the dating world broken and scared - like they've missed the boat.

But here's the truth:

Your wounds don't make you unlovable.
They make you human.

Own them. Talk about them when the moment's right. Don't trauma-dump - but don't pretend you've never been hurt.

That kind of honesty is rare - and powerful.

WHERE TO START: REAL-WORLD TIPS WITH ZERO BS

✅ DON'T FISH IN THE WRONG POND.

Ask: Where do women with your values hang out? If you're only swiping on dating apps but want depth, you're not fishing where your match is.

✅ IMPROVE, BUT DON'T PERFORM.

Yes, groom yourself. Learn how to hold a conversation. Get in shape, not to attract, but to respect yourself. But never fake it to impress.
People can tell.

✅ SET BOUNDARIES EARLY.

If she's inconsistent, confusing, or flaky - move on.
Respect yourself enough not to chase breadcrumbs. A partner is someone who chooses you, too.

✅ DATE WITH INTENTION.

You don't need to know if she's "The One", but know what you're looking for.
A relationship? Something casual? Be upfront. Clarity is sexy.

QUESTIONS MEN SHOULD ASK THEMSELVES (BUT RARELY DO)

Do I like her, or do I just like that she likes me?
Am I chasing a feeling, or building a foundation?
Have I made my peace with my ex, or am I trying to replace her?
Would I want my future daughter dating someone like me?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

You're not the only man who's been ghosted, who's gone home alone feeling empty, who's looked in the mirror and wondered if you're enough.

You are not broken. You are in progress.

At We Are Mentality, we're not promising quick fixes or cheesy pick-up lines.
We're offering you tools to date with clarity, purpose, and strength - and to know yourself before you try to know someone else.

Because when you show up whole, you don't just find someone - you build something.

And that's worth more than a hundred matches.

DATING (PART 2):
THE BASICS THAT EVERY MAN SHOULD KNOW BUT WAS PROBABLY NEVER TAUGHT

Let's get into the details that matter - the real stuff that's not always said out loud.

Look - confidence is important. But confidence without presentation is just ego.

You don't need to look like a male model or wear designer labels. But you do need to show effort. Because effort says "I care".

And that? That's attractive as hell.

Let's break it down:

FIRST: WHERE THE HELL DO YOU EVEN MEET PEOPLE?

Dating apps are fine - but they're not your only option. If you hate them, stop trying to force it. Expand your territory.

☕️ REAL-WORLD PLACES TO MEET WOMEN:

Coffee shops - Chill, no pressure. Great for starting casual convos.
Community events or classes - Book clubs, art classes, running groups.
Bonus: you already have shared interests.
Volunteering - Shows compassion, and often draws like-minded people.
Dog parks (if you have a dog) - Yes, it's cliché. Yes, it works.
Gym or fitness classes - Be respectful. Don't hit on someone mid-squat. But over time? Friendships build.
Through friends - Ask your circle. Seriously. They might know someone awesome and single.

🚫 Where to NOT meet people:
Don't rely on bars or clubs unless that's your scene. And don't approach anyone who's clearly in a rush, working, or wearing headphones - they're not inviting conversation.

DRESS LIKE YOU GIVE A DAMN

You don't need to be stylish. You need to be clean, fitted and intentional.
You're telling the world, "I know who I am, and I take care of myself."

👕 THE BASICS:

Fit over fashion. Baggy or skin-tight = no.
Find clothes that skim your body. Go to a tailor if needed. Game-changer.
Shoes matter. Don't wear dirty trainers on a date. Ever. A clean, simple pair of boots or smart sneakers goes a long way.
Wear layers. Adds texture and makes you look like you put thought into it - jacket, overshirt, hoodie with a coat.
Stick to neutrals. Black, white, grey, navy, olive. Hard to mess up.
Avoid graphic tees. Unless it's making her laugh, it's not helping.

If you're stuck and looking for ideas, there are plenty of YouTubers who do the basics all day long, amongst other things. Check out Courtney Ryan or Aaron Marino (Alpha M) for two of our favourites.

GROOMING: SMELL GOOD, LOOK CLEAN, BE TOUCHABLE

This stuff matters more than you think. She might not notice what you did - but she will feel it.

🪒 GROOMING 101:

Smell amazing. One great fragrance ﹥ five cheap ones. Apply on wrists and neck. Don't overdo it. Subtle is sexy.
Sort your hair and beard. Whether it's skin fade or man bun, just own it. And keep it tidy.
Clean your nails. Seriously. It's a hygiene AND confidence thing.
Don't skip skincare. Wash your face. Moisturise. Use SPF. It's not feminine - it's survival.
Teeth. Brush. Floss. Breath mints. No excuses.

Pro tip: Use a lightly scented body wash + subtle cologne = she'll remember your smell.
And memory is attraction.

WHERE TO GO on a first date?

Keep it simple. You don't need to book a hot air balloon or a candlelit dinner on a rooftop. A relaxed setting where you can talk is perfect.

Coffee, a walk through a park, a low-key pub, a museum, a casual lunch - somewhere you can both breathe.

Avoid loud bars where you're shouting over music or places so fancy they make you feel awkward. And forget the cinema, you're not 16 anymore.

Remember: the goal is to connect, not impress with your bank balance.

Coffee shop. A relaxed environment where you can chat comfortably over a warm drink. Plus, the informal setting allows for easy exit strategies if the chemistry isn’t there.
Casual lunch or brunch. Far less intimidating than a formal dinner. Choose a cozy café or a trendy diner to keep the mood upbeat.
Outdoor activities. A walk in the park, a hike, or a visit to a local farmers' market. It can ease tension, creates a shared experience , and physical activity often leads to more natural chat!
Art gallery or museum. You'll have lots to talk about. Many galleries also host special events or openings that can add an extra layer of fun.
Cooking class. A great way to form a bond, plus you can show off your cooking skills. Just don't burn the eggs.
Trivia night or game night. A bit of friendly competition. You never know, all those useless Star Wars facts may come in handy.
Local festival or event. This one might be season-dependant, but it's a great to start making memories with all the different stalls and events.
Bookstore or library. One for the bookworms - you might even find you've got certain genres in common. Plus, you can grab a drink after and discuss.

HOW TO ACTUALLY SHOW UP TO A DATE

Be on time. Respect her time, and she'll take you seriously.
Know where you're going. Pick a place. Call ahead if needed. Have a backup.
Put your phone away. No scrolling. No texting. Be present.
Ask real questions. "What are you passionate about?" will get you a lot further than "So, what do you do?"
Don't overshare. You're not on a therapy couch. Be open, but read the room.
Offer to pay. Just do it. If she insists on splitting - great. But don't assume.

And above all: be kind, not performative. Don't try to impress her. Try to connect with her.

WHAT IF I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE OR CONFIDENCE?

Here's the truth: none of this comes naturally to most men. It's learned. Built. Practiced.

If you're socially anxious, start small:

Smile at the barista.
Say hello to someone at the gym.
Compliment someone's outfit without expecting anything in return.

Tiny reps build social confidence. It's a muscle.

And if you've never had a proper date, or you've been out of the game for years? That doesn't make you broken.

You're not too late. You're not too weird. You're just starting now.

And now is good enough.

⚠️ BIG PITFALLS TO AVOID

Don't get creepy. Compliments are great, but keep them respectful and in context. "You look lovely tonight" is fine. Commenting on her body or getting intense with eye contact too soon? No. Make her feel comfortable, not under inspection.
Don't latch on after one good date. Chemistry is great, but don't start mentally naming your future kids after 45 minutes of good conversation. Give things space to breathe. One of the fastest ways to kill interest is to come across too available or emotionally needy.
Don't become a dating app zombie. If Tinder or Hinge is knocking your confidence, get off the apps for a while. They can start to feel like a game where you're constantly being judged. Try meeting people through hobbies, classes, mutual friends, or in real life - where personality shines more than pictures.
Patience is everything. You might not hit it off with the first 5 people you meet. That's okay. Keep your standards, don't chase anyone who's not interested, and remember: rejection is redirection. Stay grounded, and don't let one bad date make you doubt your worth.

SHOW UP WITH SELF-RESPECT

Dating isn't about proving your worth - it's about sharing it.
You don't have to be rich, jacked, or hyper-charismatic. You just need to be you, presented with effort, intention and respect.

Real attraction isn't about being impressive. It's about being aligned - with who you are, and where you're going.

So walk in proud. Know your value. And remember:
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You don't need everyone to want you. Just the right one to notice you.

IT'S NOT A PERFORMANCE - IT'S A CONNECTION

Dating isn't about acting cool or rehearsing lines. It's about being present, listening, and showing up as your best, most grounded self. If you're nervous? Say so. If you're not sure where something is going? Be honest. That level of realness is refreshing - and it stands out.

Dating can be frustrating, confusing, even demoralising at times - but if you approach it with self-respect, patience, and a bit of humour, you'll enjoy it way more. And the people who are meant for you? They'll feel it.

PART 3:
WHAT WOMEN WANT MEN TO KNOW (BUT RARELY SAY)

The 'no bs' guide to what she's really thinking

Let's cut the fluff. This isn't about playing games or decoding cryptic texts. This is about giving men the inside scoop on what women actually wish men understood - stuff they often don't say out loud because they don't want to hurt your ego, or they're just plain tired of repeating it.

We're not mind readers. But we are listeners. And here's what we've heard - loud and clear:

✅ 1. EFFORT IS EVERYTHING

"If he can't even be bothered to plan a date or show up looking like he tried...why should I bother?"

You don't need to spend a fortune or write sonnets. You just need to show intent. Put thought into the date. Ask follow-up questions. Dress well. Be clear with your communication.

Effort doesn't mean simping - it means you value her time.

✅ 2. CONFIDENCE IS SEXY, ARROGANCE IS REPELLING.

Confidence says:

✅ "I like who I am"
✅ "I don't need to prove anything"
✅ "I know how to treat people with respect"

Arrogance says:

❌ "I need validation"
❌ "I talk over people"
❌ "I treat the waiter like a second-class citizen"

Want a confidence boost? Stop talking about yourself and start listening. It works wonders.

✅ 3. kindness always trumps coolness

Being emotionally cold or detached doesn't make you mysterious. It just makes you unreadable - and likely, a bit exhausting.

A lot of women aren't looking for a "bad boy".

They're looking for a safe place to land.

"Being kind doesn't make you weak. It makes you a man I can trust"

✅ 4. IF YOU'RE NOT READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP, SAY SO

Women value honesty way more than a half-hearted situationship.

Don't breadcrumb. Don't play the "see where it goes" card if you're not serious. If you're just dating casually, say it. Respect her time.

Clarity is kind. Games are cruel.

✅ 5. LOOKS MATTER LESS THAN YOU THINK - PRESENCE MATTERS MORE

Sure, physical attraction plays a part. But being present, having something to say, holding eye contact, and actually engaging with her? That's what sticks.

You don't need abs - you need awareness.

You don't need the jawline of Henry Cavill - you need purpose.

Confidence, humour, good hygiene, and kindness will win - every time.

✅ 6. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IS A SUPERPOWER

"I don't need a man who solves everything. I need a man who listens."

You don't have to fix her problems - but don't brush them off either. Ask, "Do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen?"

Game-changer.

Don't suppress your own emotions either.

Vulnerability, when grounded in self-awareness, is deeply attractive.

✅ 7. COMMUNICATION ISN'T OPTIONAL

If you're upset? Say it without aggression.
If you like her? Don't ghost - tell her.
If you're unsure? Ask, don't assume.

Silent treatment, sarcasm, and one-word answers? That's high school energy. Time to upgrade.

✅ 8. SHE'S NOT A PUZZLE - SHE'S A PERSON

Trying to "figure her out" like a Rubik's Cube?
Wrong approach.

Treat her like a partner, not a prize to win or a problem to solve.

Ask questions. Be curious. Respect her individuality.

She wants to feel understood, not decoded.

✅ 9. SHE'S WATCHING HOW YOU TREAT EVERYONE ELSE

It's not just how you treat her - it's how you treat the world.
The waiter. The Uber driver. Your ex. Your mum.

If your character is only on show when she's around, she'll know.

Integrity isn't performance. It's consistency.

🔷 bonus: what she wishes more men knew

If she takes time to get ready for a date, notice it.
Don't play it cool if you're actually into her. It's okay to care.
Stop putting all your self-worth in her hands. Show up as someone who already has value.
The so-called "ick" usually comes from emotional immaturity, not looks or status.
If you're heartbroken, don't bury it. Learn from it.

FINAL WORD: SHE'S NOT OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE. YOU'RE JUST NOT ALIGNED (YET).

Stop chasing "perfect." Start becoming real. You don't need to be the richest, fittest, or most charismatic guy in the room.

You need to be intentional, honest, and open to growth.

That's what she's looking for. That's what will keep her.
And that's what you deserve too.