FRIENDSHIP & BROTHERHOOD

THE LIFELINE TOO MANY MEN OVERLOOK

"When did friendship start feeling like a luxury you don't have time for?"

WHY IT MATTERS

As men approach adulthood, a certain loneliness creeps in - silent, persistent, and quite often disregarded. It's got nothing to do romantically, say with dating someone, or even marriage. It's when a man loses something far more straightforward, but just as important: friendship.

True, absolute, honest friendship.

Sadly, friendships fade away with age, particularly for men. We become engrossed in work, relationships become more demanding. We look at the time and another day has passed before we know it. Those meet-ups we used to have become the occasional text message, and eventually even those become silent. Want to know the truth?

Isolation kills. Emotionally and mentally.

Male suicide rates remain breathtakingly high, with one of the main factors being the driving force behind it.

Loneliness.

Companionship, particularly brotherhood and having friends, isn't a luxury. It's the air we breathe. We all need people in our lives who know you, see you, and who you could call on at a moment's notice if you needed them. Not followers or fans. Not acquaintances. Brothers.

This page doesn't harp on about cringy friendship quotes or toxic 'ride-or-die' clichés.

Here, we speak about building - and indeed rebuilding - connections as a man. Particularly if it's been a while.

WHat you'll find on this page

We'll be honest with you, and at the same time tell you something you probably already know: making friends in adulthood, especially for men, can be awkward, slow, and above all, disheartening. Fear not, however, it is possible - and more importantly, it's necessary.

Here's what we'll be looking at:

How to make new friends as a grown man - without coming across or feeling like an oddball
From mates to meaning - how to develop current friendships
Banter vs Bonding - why humour isn't always enough
Why it's never too late - no matter you're age, you can still build your band of brothers
Practical ideas - from taking up new hobbies to bold conversations

Please remember:

We don't claim to be experts shouting down at you - we're men standing with you. We've been there.

This isn't about us. It's about you.

how to make new friends as a grown man
(without feeling weird about it)

Think back to when you were at school. Making friends seemed so easy! Whether it be classes together, lunch breaks, the playground, or even after school games, you could bond really well. Fast forward to now? You've got meetings, car finance, mortgage payments and a passing nod to another Dad on the school run.

Where do we start?

Begin with placing yourself in an environment that doesn't feel forced.

Consider: Hiking meetups, volunteering, DIY workshops, local running clubs, martial arts gyms, open mic nights, men's circles, or perhaps even adult learning classes. You'll have something in common from day one. You'll be meeting up for a mutual reason, not "meeting for friendship" - and connecting with other guys becomes a side-effect.

Be the first to go first.

Of course, it'll feel awkward as hell to begin with. Are you being 'too much'? Someone's got to break that ice, it may as well be you. Think what it'll do for your self-confidence in general. Say hi. Give your opinion. Ask a question. You know as well as we do that guys are waiting - and hoping - for someone to make that first move. Do it.

Don't expect magic right away.

Friendship, like any worthwhile endeavour, is built up over time. It is mainly done through consistency and shared experiences. That's why a lot of soldiers bond so well both in training and in battle - they have shared experiences that have made them stronger. Sadly, too many guys simply give up because they expect that immediate connection. Chances are, you won't meet your new best mate on Day 1. But if you keep showing up, you'll get there.

Try apps. Seriously.

Yep, you heard us. There are some great apps out there like Bumble BFF, Meetup, or even local Facebook groups with guys all looking to meet like-minded individuals to connect with. There's nothing wrong with being proactive.

FROM MATES TO MEANING

1. Make the time.

Fate may not always intervene. Text them. Get it booked and locked in. Most importantly, show that the friendship matters to you, so suggest other things beyond "catching up soon."

2. Ask the better question.

Forget the boring and mundane "How's work?" and give "what projects have you been working on recently?" or "how's your head these days?" a go instead. If that's too much for you, you can always rely on the trusted Five-Word Check-In:

"What's been going on lately?"
Then just listen. That's what friends are for - just being there.

3. Be real first.

Vulnerability leads the way. In order to establish that 'deeper' connection with someone, you're going to need to show your cards. Not all at once, but just something small. Yet real. You never know, the other guy may want to do the exact same.

Banter vs. bonding

Banter, is brilliant. Strangely, it's how guys show affection. It's a great icebreaker, keeps the mood light, and can set off a tidal wave of raucous laughter that will feel like medicine. However, banter is not bonding, and if that is all your friendship is built on, then it's just not enough.

When banter takes centre stage, pain remains hidden.
If someone wants to share something that's causing him pain, but all he hears is jokes around him, he'll keep it locked away. That silence then festers.

Create space for both.
Believe it or not, you can have both humour and honesty. You can mess around ripping each other and still ask if the other is okay. Just leave the more brutal jokes until you know for sure how the other guy is doing.

It almost goes without saying, but if your mates only mock you whilst you're trying to be serious and real - that's not brotherhood. That's performance.

WHY IT'S NEVER TOO LATE

For some odd reason, men often believe that if they haven't built their circle of friends by the time they're 30, then it's game over. Absolute crap.

We've seen many men in their 50's and older create new friendships from scratch. We've seen men in their 40's rebuild old ones. We've also seen guys come back from rock bottom, build up a new circle or trusted friends - and find that those connections were even stronger than anything in their 20's.

There's no such thing as 'too old'. There's no such thing as 'too broken'.
And there's no such thing as 'too late'.

Just start. One message. One meetup. One brave "fancy a coffee next week?"

Then keep going.

PRACTICAL IDEAS: HOW TO BUILD BROTHERHOOD

Join or start a group activity - Football. Jiu-jitsu. Archery. Pool.
Doesn't matter. Just find something everyone can get involved in.
Host a monthly meet up - Nothing big or fancy. Just a standard reason to gather.
You'll be amazed how quickly the numbers increase!
Reconnect with old friends - Start afresh. Not all your friends have to be new ones.
Reach out to those who you stopped messaging - you'll have loads to discuss.
Get involved in causes close to your heart - a shared purpose develops community.
Come to one of our future We Are Mentality meetups - More info coming soon!

FINAL THOUGHTS

Friendship and Brotherhood isn't just a 'nice-to-have' - it's essential.
Brotherhood keeps you sharp, steady, and sane. You don't need a huge group of people. In fact, the tighter group of guys you can trust, the better. You need a few good men who give a damn.

Start off slowly. Be courageous. If you're feeling alone right now - you are not the only one. But you are the one who can change it.

LINKS TO OTHER PAGES

Check out our page on Loneliness here
Check out our page on Hobbies and Interests here
Check out our page on Self-Confidence here
Check out our page on Finding Your Purpose here